No Vacancies
by Silberias
Summary: Chouji thinks Shikamaru's an idiot for not seeing what Chouji is seeing: a kunoichi generation out of which Shikamaru could have anyone he wants, and he's not taking any of them.


For funzies.

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Chouji, at seventeen, knew that Shikamaru was far too wrapped up in himself to see the veritable feast of choices which their generation had laid out in front of him. Chouji knew, for instance, that Ino was done bouncing back from her crush on Sasuke and was on the hopeful lookout for an actual true love instead of a merciless, clanless traitor. Shikamaru had heart, and a nice healthy, _alive_ clan too, and he hadn't betrayed the village that Chouji could recall.

Chouji also knew that Sakura had come to the position in life where she needed someone both clinical and laid back. She needed someone who understood strategy, order, and discipline, and that someone needed to also know how to relax from time to time. Despite his laziness around Konoha, Shikamaru was just about the only shinobi in their generation who fit the bill for the Hokage's pupil.

Chouji was certain of the fact that Hyuuga Hiashi was on what most clans labeled as a "man-hunt" for his daughters, Hinata and Hanabi. Hiashi wanted a man who was not one of the girls' cousins but at the same time came from a well respected shinobi family—and not only that, Hiashi wanted someone who was highly accomplished for his age as well. Shikamaru certainly matched up to those expectations.

Chouji was fairly sure, as well, that the Kazekage kept sending his sister Temari to Konoha in hopes that she caught a certain strategist's eye—there were diplomatic missions, and then there were _diplomatic_ missions. A high ranked Special Jounin like Shikamaru in a relationship or marriage to the _Kazekage's_ sister would certainly solidify the alliance between Leaf and Sand. And besides, Temari seemed to get a kick out of Shikamaru.

And then there was that Tenten girl who had a thing for genius-type guys (he could count on one hand how many _non_-genius guys she'd ever dated), and Chouji had heard her gossiping a few weeks ago before a mission with Sakura that Shikamaru looked _damn_ good in his new Jounin flak jacket. After Tenten all the other girls were either too old or too young or too happily married to even bother counting.

Because of all this, and Shikamaru's inaction, Chouji was left with only one conclusion: Shikamaru was an idiot. Chouji didn't know, however, whether he should tell Lady Hokage that her strategy specialist was an idiot, because she always reacted poorly to such statements. So, rather than endanger his own life, Chouji directly confronted his friend about the situation.

As it turned out, Shikamaru and Ino had been betrothed by their clans when they'd turned fifteen—Shikamaru was just lazy and didn't want to get married until they were older. Chouji let the lie slide, because he knew that Shikamaru was giving Ino some room to get over her obsession with everything Sasuke. Shikamaru pointed out, however, that there was also the fact that everyone else that Chouji had thought of was already taken in a manner of speaking.

Sakura was secretly seeing one of the Hokage's aids, a Chuunin named Izumo Kamizuki. According to Shikamaru it was obvious if one observed the differing levels of protest between Lady Hokage's two aids—the one with the bandage on his face could get purplepleptic when Sakura casually walked past the desk outside of the Godaime's office, whereas the one with no sense of how to do his own hair would let Sakura do most anything. Chouji could only nod and begin worrying for the poor Chuunin's health—secrets and the Godaime never went over well.

And then with the Hyuuga clan, Hatake Kakashi was already convincing Hiashi to let Naruto marry Hinata. Kakashi-sensei was probably only weeks away from saving one of the daughters from an unwanted arranged marriage, and the other girl was being pursued by Sarutobi Konohamaru (much to the apparently chagrin of his childhood playmate Moegi). Both matches were very hush-hush, Shikamaru commented, because one was with a young man of questionable heritage but who was on the path to greatness, and the other because both Hanabi and Konohamaru were too young to marry quite yet—so the two clans were on track to write up an agreement much like the Nara and the Yamanaka had.

Shikamaru blushed deeply at the mention of Temari and at first Chouji thought his friend was embarrassed for liking the girl or something. Oh he was embarrassed, but he was embarrassed that Temari had informed him a few weeks ago on her last visit that Shikamaru's dad was _hot_. For someone as unruffled as Shikamaru to be traumatized by that, it had to have been one of the most lewd remarks outside of something old Jiraiya-sama would say. All Chouji could say was that old man Nara was damn smart—marrying a woman with as many poky edges as Shikamaru's mom kept Shikaku well focused on her. If you have to play with a porcupine, it's easiest if you keep your whole attention on it. Chouji didn't share Shikamaru's view on women—his own mother was the best, she had this wonderful barbeque marinade, with just the right amount of kick and the just the right amount of…Ahem—but neither could Chouji disagree with Shikamaru that Mrs. Nara was quite scary.

As for Tenten, Shikamaru had heard from Gai-sensei (in a manner of speaking; Shikamaru had actually only been present when Gai cheerfully informed this information to Kurenai-sensei, who Shikamaru was actually visiting) that she was soon to be set up with Neji in an unprecedented move for the Hyuuga clan—allowing a branch member to marry a girl of their own choosing. Not even Hinata was being allowed to choose for herself—there were decisions being made for her at the level of her parents and a respected Jounin sensei.

Chouji could only thank his friend and wander off in a daze. Later he would realize that with all of that, almost no kunoichi girls were left his own age and that he was most likely going to have to find himself a civilian girl or have his dad find someone for him. To borrow a phrase from Shikamaru, it was going to be a real bother.

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Review?


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